Hey guys. I do feel alot better since that night. and reading your responses have also made me feel pretty good.
The night at Jakis really wasnt the reason I felt so bad that night, I'm sorry I distorted some of the things that happened that evening with Liam and Kevin. I love you guys.
Hell, I love everyone which I guess is why I was so down by the idea that was going through my head at the time. Thanks for proving me wrong.
Kylian
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Friends....?
So here it goes, it is currently 4:36 in the AM and im not tired in the slightest. I have a harsh stream of depression that is hitting me so I'm going to rant for a bit about what is bugging me.
I don't know that i have very many real friends. I look around and realise no one takes me seriously, and deep down, i dont think that many people like me. I realised recently that most of the people the I call friends don't really see me as anything but that loud, crude guy who makes terrible jokes about inappropriat things... well for the most part its true i suppose. But i have reached out many times to all of these people that I truly love, to get to know them better and for them to get to know me for who I really am... but it apears no one is interested. I care so much about everyone but I think if I were to cut all my ties here in calgary, the only reason people would REALLY notice is that I wouldn't be around to drive. No one really talks to me, im just there for entertainment.
Tonight i was here to hang out with some friends (jakis) I had fun... but when it came to the end of the evening I was just in everyones way. One ecample of this is i tried joking around while half asleep while watching hercules, getting rather negative responses I moved upstairs to go to sleep where kevin and liam shortly came upstairs and I quote kevin on this "oh my fucking god, kylian is here" I took the hint and went back downstairs where pretty much every other surface was taken and i didnt really feel like squishing in with them at this point. In my rather unhappy mood i wanted to go home but my keys were nowhere to be found.. i search for them for a good hour and no one knows where they are. I go to leave and nobody cares all that much... its too cold for the bike... i come back in and walk around for another 2 hours... and now this.
I can't sleep... and i wasn't planning on posting this really... but I thought I should prove my point by posting it. Because I don't beleive anyone will read this and care all that much, if I'm wrong. Please prove me wrong because this is one of those times where I hope I am.
Again, heres me sounding very fuckin emo... hell i feel pretty fuckin emo.
I don't know that i have very many real friends. I look around and realise no one takes me seriously, and deep down, i dont think that many people like me. I realised recently that most of the people the I call friends don't really see me as anything but that loud, crude guy who makes terrible jokes about inappropriat things... well for the most part its true i suppose. But i have reached out many times to all of these people that I truly love, to get to know them better and for them to get to know me for who I really am... but it apears no one is interested. I care so much about everyone but I think if I were to cut all my ties here in calgary, the only reason people would REALLY notice is that I wouldn't be around to drive. No one really talks to me, im just there for entertainment.
Tonight i was here to hang out with some friends (jakis) I had fun... but when it came to the end of the evening I was just in everyones way. One ecample of this is i tried joking around while half asleep while watching hercules, getting rather negative responses I moved upstairs to go to sleep where kevin and liam shortly came upstairs and I quote kevin on this "oh my fucking god, kylian is here" I took the hint and went back downstairs where pretty much every other surface was taken and i didnt really feel like squishing in with them at this point. In my rather unhappy mood i wanted to go home but my keys were nowhere to be found.. i search for them for a good hour and no one knows where they are. I go to leave and nobody cares all that much... its too cold for the bike... i come back in and walk around for another 2 hours... and now this.
I can't sleep... and i wasn't planning on posting this really... but I thought I should prove my point by posting it. Because I don't beleive anyone will read this and care all that much, if I'm wrong. Please prove me wrong because this is one of those times where I hope I am.
Again, heres me sounding very fuckin emo... hell i feel pretty fuckin emo.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
The Wall
I have been writting for awhile now... and everytime i get through alot of the things I want to talk about on the certain subjects, I hit a wall. I wrote long rants on a couple of things just now but they seem to be half done... theres not really a point I was getting to... well... there is but I haven't reached those points, and I am not really sure how to get to them. So anyway, i deleted them and I think I'm done with these ridiculous rants for now...
Kylian
Kylian
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Relationships/Relationshits Cont.
Reading Paula's response madae me re-read my post in a somewhat different light. I realise that I came across in a way that was honestly not my intention.
I just want you to know first of all that I am a true believer in true love, although that contradicts my previous... rantings... I usually post when I am feeling somewhat.. not myself.
Anyway, I just want to clear a few things up.
All I really wanted to say was almost all relationships can work. If you want them to. It all comes down to you, nothing can stop you, no one can get in the way. If you fall in love with someone, than thats all you need. Love as much as you can whenever you can. because there is no greater feeling, no greater gift than being in love and giving all of yourself to someone else. Don't hold back because you are afraid of what the other may think, you may get hurt in the end but you will always look back and never regret what you had.
By the way, I love you Paula. I found the barret you gave me on my 16th... haha. I miss you guys.
Kylian
PS: I'm out of things to say, please read Paula's comment/rant because it perhaps says what I meant to without sounding like a dick.
I just want you to know first of all that I am a true believer in true love, although that contradicts my previous... rantings... I usually post when I am feeling somewhat.. not myself.
Anyway, I just want to clear a few things up.
All I really wanted to say was almost all relationships can work. If you want them to. It all comes down to you, nothing can stop you, no one can get in the way. If you fall in love with someone, than thats all you need. Love as much as you can whenever you can. because there is no greater feeling, no greater gift than being in love and giving all of yourself to someone else. Don't hold back because you are afraid of what the other may think, you may get hurt in the end but you will always look back and never regret what you had.
By the way, I love you Paula. I found the barret you gave me on my 16th... haha. I miss you guys.
Kylian
PS: I'm out of things to say, please read Paula's comment/rant because it perhaps says what I meant to without sounding like a dick.
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