So here it goes, it is currently 4:36 in the AM and im not tired in the slightest. I have a harsh stream of depression that is hitting me so I'm going to rant for a bit about what is bugging me.
I don't know that i have very many real friends. I look around and realise no one takes me seriously, and deep down, i dont think that many people like me. I realised recently that most of the people the I call friends don't really see me as anything but that loud, crude guy who makes terrible jokes about inappropriat things... well for the most part its true i suppose. But i have reached out many times to all of these people that I truly love, to get to know them better and for them to get to know me for who I really am... but it apears no one is interested. I care so much about everyone but I think if I were to cut all my ties here in calgary, the only reason people would REALLY notice is that I wouldn't be around to drive. No one really talks to me, im just there for entertainment.
Tonight i was here to hang out with some friends (jakis) I had fun... but when it came to the end of the evening I was just in everyones way. One ecample of this is i tried joking around while half asleep while watching hercules, getting rather negative responses I moved upstairs to go to sleep where kevin and liam shortly came upstairs and I quote kevin on this "oh my fucking god, kylian is here" I took the hint and went back downstairs where pretty much every other surface was taken and i didnt really feel like squishing in with them at this point. In my rather unhappy mood i wanted to go home but my keys were nowhere to be found.. i search for them for a good hour and no one knows where they are. I go to leave and nobody cares all that much... its too cold for the bike... i come back in and walk around for another 2 hours... and now this.
I can't sleep... and i wasn't planning on posting this really... but I thought I should prove my point by posting it. Because I don't beleive anyone will read this and care all that much, if I'm wrong. Please prove me wrong because this is one of those times where I hope I am.
Again, heres me sounding very fuckin emo... hell i feel pretty fuckin emo.
4 comments:
Hey Kylian, sorry we made the impression that we were pissed off at you or something. We honestly didn't mean it like that! I hope you're feeling better now.
At any rate, I hope you cats have a good time in Okotoks, tonight.
P.S.
We should wipe out all the emos for giving depression a bad name....what a funny thing to say...but it's true! I don't like feeling ashamed of feeling sad. Goddamn emos. Hahahah ok I should stop ranting now or else I'll never stop.
Aw Kylian, I am so sorry if you feel like I don't like you. I know the last couple of times I talked to you I was an absolute bitch, and I am really sorry for that. I was going through a little bit of a rough time around then, and I know that isn't an excuse, but I hope you still consider me a friend.
I've been feeling the same way lately, if that's any consolation. I know it's not enough to say that people like you for who you are, but here's me saying it anyway. You've got a handsome soul.
I hope you get feeling better soon. Depression is a bitch.
Aww dude, i know the feeling. I haven't met ANYONE in university and it's shitty. I can think of like, 3 good friends right now, and that's stupid. Everyone else just wants to get drunk, and that's not really my scene anymore, so that's stupid. If you ever need to talk or vent or rant or whatever, I'm here for you.
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